Hello and welcome to the latest edition of Loving Care For Mom, where we share stories and tips about how to care for your aging mom or dad with love.

Caring for mom or dad can be exhausting and sometimes frustrating. Most of us have never had to take care of someone: Where do we start? What help can we get? How can we afford the best care? How can we provide the best possible care for the mom or dad you love so much?

Here, we will share many tips from two points of view: from the point of view of a day-to-day caregiver, and from the point of view of a legal strategist. Competently navigating care requires both.

We help you understand the many resources available to you as a caregiver and your mom or dad as the one you’re caring for.

This newsletter is packed with tips and tricks to help you navigate and provide the best care for your mom or dad.

“Why Is There a Tree in the Living Room?”

In a recent New York Times essay, Patti Davis reflects on a quiet but powerful moment during her father’s struggle with Alzheimer’s disease. Sitting beside him at Christmas, she watches him study a picture book and then look up, genuinely puzzled, asking: “Why is there a tree in the living room?” It is a simple question, but one that captures the way dementia erases time, context, and shared rituals while leaving emotional awareness intact.

Rather than trying to explain Christmas in logical terms, Davis realizes that reassurance and calm matter more than facts. A gentle description — that the tree is simply something beautiful to enjoy — brings her father peace. From that moment, she draws a broader lesson for families, especially during emotionally charged holidays: people with dementia may not grasp words or arguments, but they feel tension, anger, and warmth deeply.

The essay urges readers to assume that everything we radiate — kindness, impatience, political conflict, or grace — is absorbed by those whose cognitive filters are gone. Davis suggests that dementia, painful as it is, can teach the rest of us how to soften our certainties, choose compassion, and meet one another with calm rather than judgment.

The piece carries special resonance because Davis is the daughter of Ronald Reagan, a beloved president whose own Alzheimer’s diagnosis helped bring national attention to the disease. Her reflection is not political or historical, but deeply human — a reminder that dignity, emotional safety, and love matter more than explanations.

— Summary of an essay by Patti Davis, published in the The New York Times, December 23, 2025.

Caregiver Takeaway:

When caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, explanations often matter less than emotional safety. If a loved one is confused or asks a question that can’t truly be answered, try responding with reassurance rather than logic. A calm voice, simple words, and a peaceful presence can ease anxiety far more effectively than facts. Assume they are absorbing how you feel, even if they can’t follow what you say—and let kindness, patience, and grace lead the moment.

Warmly,

J. Todd Murphy, Esq. (“Todd”)

Elder Law & Estate Planning Attorney, Morristown, NJ.

Helping families plan ahead and navigate life’s transitions with confidence for over 30 years.

Always Seek Professional Advice

We’re glad you’re here! Please note that the information in this newsletter is for general educational purposes only and is not legal advice. Reading this newsletter does not create an attorney-client relationship with J. Todd Murphy, Esq., or Dublin Packard Attorneys. Many of the topics, tips, and strategies discussed can be complex, and you should seek the guidance of a qualified Elder Law attorney—such as J. Todd Murphy—before taking action.

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