Hello and welcome to the latest edition of Loving Care For Mom, where we share stories and tips about how to care for your aging mom or dad with love.

Caring for mom or dad can be exhausting and sometimes frustrating. Most of us have never had to take care of someone: Where do we start? What help can we get? How can we afford the best care? How can we provide the best possible care for the mom or dad you love so much?

Here, we will share many tips from two points of view: from the point of view of a day-to-day caregiver, and from the point of view of a legal strategist. Competently navigating care requires both.

We help you understand the many resources available to you as a caregiver and your mom or dad as the one you’re caring for.

This newsletter is packed with tips and tricks to help you navigate and provide the best care for your mom or dad.

Hello friends,

This week I’ve been thinking about something that quietly shapes nearly every moment of caregiving—yet we rarely talk about it directly. It isn’t a skill you learn from a book or a checklist. It’s something deeper, something we develop over time, often without realizing it.

Let’s talk about empathy… and how it can gently transform the way we care for the people we love.

Empathy isn’t simply “feeling what someone else feels.” It’s the ability to imagine yourself in their shoes long enough to understand what their day might be like. When you’re caring for a parent or spouse, empathy becomes one of the most powerful tools you have.

Because when you feel with someone—not just for them—you naturally start noticing things you might otherwise miss:

• the hesitation before they stand up,

• the tension in their voice when they’re tired,

• the small sigh that means they need help but don’t want to ask.

Caregiving often comes down to these tiny signals, each one telling you a little story about what your loved one needs in that moment.

Not long ago, I visited a client who has been struggling with mobility. As soon as I walked in the door, I saw her sitting near the window with her hands folded tightly in her lap. She insisted everything was “fine.”

But something in the way she kept glancing toward the kitchen told me otherwise.

I asked if she needed anything. She said no.

So instead, I paused, paid attention, and said, “You look like you’re thinking about something. What’s on your mind?”

She hesitated and finally admitted she had been sitting there thirsty for almost an hour—too embarrassed to ask for help getting a glass of water. A simple glass of water! Something I would’ve never guessed if I hadn’t tried to sense what she might be feeling.

Moments like that remind me how important empathy is. It helps us hear what isn’t said out loud.

When you approach each interaction with empathy, something shifts:

You notice patterns—the medication that always makes Mom chilly, the way Dad gets quieter when he’s overwhelmed, or how your spouse leans in when they need reassurance.

Instead of viewing the repeated questions or the forgotten instructions as annoyances, you begin to see them as signs of fear, confusion, or fatigue.

Your loved one feels safe. And in caregiving, safety isn’t only physical—it’s emotional.

• Listen with your full attention.

Not just to their words, but to what’s underneath the words.

• Observe small details.

Facial expressions, posture, tone—these are windows into how someone is really doing.

• Pause before reacting.

Empathy gives you space. Instead of rushing to correct, fix, or answer, you can approach with calm understanding.

• Ask gentle questions.

Sometimes the softest conversations open the biggest doors.

• Practice imagining their perspective.

What would it feel like to rely on someone else for the things you once did yourself? What emotions might come with that dependence?

These small habits, practiced daily, slowly deepen your ability to truly see and understand the person you’re caring for.

A Final Thought

Empathy doesn’t mean you must be perfect. It simply means you’re trying to see the world through your loved one’s eyes—even if only for a moment. When you lead with empathy, caregiving shifts from a list of tasks to an expression of love. And sometimes, the quietest acts of understanding can be the greatest comfort you offer.

Caring for a parent or spouse is never simple, but empathy helps light the path. Let’s continue learning how to see our loved ones—really see them—so we can care for them with gentleness, patience, and heart.

Warmly,

Todd

Warmly,

J. Todd Murphy, Esq. (“Todd”)

Elder Law & Estate Planning Attorney, Morristown, NJ.

Helping families plan ahead and navigate life’s transitions with confidence for over 30 years.

Always Seek Professional Advice

We’re glad you’re here! Please note that the information in this newsletter is for general educational purposes only and is not legal advice. Reading this newsletter does not create an attorney-client relationship with J. Todd Murphy, Esq., or Dublin Packard Attorneys. Many of the topics, tips, and strategies discussed can be complex, and you should seek the guidance of a qualified Elder Law attorney—such as J. Todd Murphy—before taking action.

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